The Big Event
I went to my cousin’s wedding last night, the fifth wedding I’ve attended this year. This one was a bit different from the norm though as it was an outdoor wedding set romantically within landscaped gardens with an artificial lake. We dined on roast beef and pasta under palm trees and an expanse of moonlit sky. The only thing missing was a string quartet. And bug repellent. And mist fans because boy, was it sweltering. And flip flops, because my RM300 satin heels got all muddy and ruined. And…well, I don’t want to sound like a grumpy ingrate so I’ll shut up now.
At least the roast beef was tasty.
I hate being at weddings though because everyone will start asking me THE question as some sort of bad opening line for conversation: “So when’s your turn to get married?”
“Hello, I’m barely even 23 yet,” I pointed out to one inquisitive aunt.
“Oh, nonsense, dear,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Blink and before you know it, you’ll be a 40-year-old spinster with a sagging ass and then, it’ll be a lot harder to attract a man.” She looked at me ominously, like that was supposed to terrify me into running to the nearest altar with the first available guy.
“I’ll get married when Meg does,” was my reply to her.
My thirty-five-year-old cousin, Meg, is a lesbian.
But don’t get me wrong - I do believe in marriage. I just don’t think a wedding is absolutely necessary though. Marriage is an act, wedding is a ceremony. What is a wedding but an ostentatious horse and pony show? Most of the time (and this is usually true of Chinese wedding banquets), the bride and groom don’t even know half the guests at their own wedding. And do I really want to subject my family and friends to two hours of bland food, Celine Dion songs and cheesy Powerpoint slides? Most of all, I don’t want to end up seating my poor, single cousins next to nosy aunts who demand to know why they’re not married yet.
So I figure I’ll save everyone the trouble and just elope in the future. Or not.
But if I have to have a wedding, this is the only way I’ll have it: A small, private beachside ceremony in the presence of a few family and close friends. I’ll be barefoot and barefaced, my hair loose and undone. I’ll be wearing a sheer chiffon dress that’ll flap seductively in the breeze. The groom will be wearing boardshorts because tuxes really aren’t all that comfortable. No shirt because that’s very sexy. Then we’ll seal our vows by planting a baby coconut palm tree.
Hahaha.
But really, I’m not kidding…
October 8th, 2006 at 10:26 am
Weddings *sigh* don’t plan your wedding, Steph. Take it from me. Been planning since I was five.
October 8th, 2006 at 8:02 pm
No harm planning what. Its good to have dreams sometimes. Better if it comes true.
p/s: make sure im in your list of invites k. 
October 9th, 2006 at 5:40 am
I for one, so agree with you. Weddings are thrown for the sake of the aunties/ uncles who don’t get to go out much otherwise (sorry, aunty, sorry uncle).
I am happy to declare that I am defying convention by just signing on those marriage papers (sometime soon - yes, I’ve been saying it for a year,)and celebrate with a nice breakfast of peach pancakes with fresh cream, at Coco’s, by the foreshore in Perth.
Screw the 10-course Chinese banquet dinner, the obligatory 3 changes of dresses, the Powerpoint presentation, long speeches, yam seng toasts and wasting people’s weekend at a boring 4-hour dinner with bad food!!!!
October 9th, 2006 at 9:37 am
u all dowan ang pow meh? SIAO!
October 9th, 2006 at 11:08 pm
Jasmin: Who says I’m planning my wedding?
Annie: I’ll think about putting you on the invite list…Hmm…Still thinking…Hahaha.
Alison: Right on! Although you might get some outraged phone calls from those uncles and aunties who’ve been deprived of yet another chance to air out their batik shirts and floral kaftan dresses from the seventies. (Sorry Aunty, Sorry Uncle.)
But I will sit through any wedding where they serve those pancakes you just described.
Oh, and congratulations! Let me know when to start calling you Missus.
The Visitor: Yeah, what’s the world coming to?